reality

dear project leader:

this alien has observed reports of behavior that may cause us to rethink cohabitating with humans on this planet.


"THE 650-POUND VIRGIN": a man who somehow gained 500 pounds in less than 10 years, mainly by locking himself inside his parents' house and eating his life away (while watching the rest of the world live their lives through the living room window).

this alien has to ask: after the first 200 pounds piled on, who kept buying and delivering twinkies to him? not saying the gain wasn't his fault, but one must accept that the guy was enabled by people who WERE willing to leave the house, run down to the 7-11 and stock up on his behalf.


"HOARDERS": one's mother lives a mile away, and hasn't taken anything out of the house in a dozen or so years. ANYTHING. every room of the house is piled with rotting garbage. the bathroom hasn't been cleaned for as many years. mother has asthma, maybe resulting from the decaying cats under the 2-foot drift of trash in the den? or perhaps from the mattress and box springs that literally disintegrate to the touch.

this alien asks once more: after the first year of trash buildup, who didn't hire a haulaway service to clean out even a dumpster's worth of trash, whether mom complained or not?


this alien recommends further observation before proceeding with plans to settle here. but one item for the "plus" column: basic cable is awesome.